Unfortunately cattiness, passive aggressive digs, backhanded compliments, rants, and all out bullying isn’t something limited to just kids and teens. Adults are guilty of these “hater” behaviors and we see them play out in different parts of our lives. From friends and colleagues to family members and even our spouses, people are constantly throwing shade. Dr. Sanam Hafeez PsyD a NYC based neuropsychologist and teaching faculty member at Columbia University, shares a list of four kinds of haters and offers expert advice for how to handle them.
1. THE JEALOUS FRIEND
This is the friend who wants you around and seems interested in knowing what you are doing. They claim they want the best for you but when great things come your way they throw digs and take things down a negative path. Get a promotion at work and it’s met with, “Oh now you’ll never see your husband, be careful, women look at him all the time.” Lose 10 pounds and they’ll say, “Well don’t get rid of your old clothes in case you gain it back and then some.” According to Dr. Hafeez, “The best way to handle the jealous friend is to confront her as soon as the remark is made. We teach people how to treat us, what’s tolerated and what isn’t. Allow someone to throw digs and they will continue to do so. Ask her what is going on in their life that has her a bit off. Seek to gain understanding but start distancing yourself if it continues.”
2. THE PASSIVE AGGRESIVE COLLEAGUE
The workplace is a hotbed for drama in that unlike friendships, people are just put together and forced to be professional and cordial to one another. “There’s a lot of undercutting and favoritism and a mixture of personalities. On top of that there is a general avoidance of confrontation. You can’t just tell someone exactly what you think which leads to passive aggressiveness,” explains Hafeez. She goes on to say that, “Some passive aggressive traits are, erratic moods, (one minute they’re cold the next day you’re their best friend), procrastination, half-hearted effort and even sabotaging. The best way to handle the passive aggressive colleague is to have a meeting over lunch outside of the office. Get them in neutral territory. Then explain that you are focused on solutions and want to create a harmonious and productive team dynamic based on open communication and respect.”
3. THE OVERBEARING FAMILY MEMBER
They know it all, speak to you as if you know nothing and are incompetent and incapable. Incredibly controlling, they want to feel needed and look to you to give their life purpose. They say they want to see you thriving, prosperous, healthy and whole yet, they focus on all that is going wrong in your life. It’s codependency. Hafeez explains, “These family members have no use for you if you don’t need them. The more independent you are and the more you thrive, the more they’ll look to what’s wrong. Opinionated and judgmental, they hinder your growth. The best way to handle the overbearing family member is to create boundaries. Limit how much you share with them and assign them ways to help you on your terms.”
4. THE STIFLING SPOUSE
Feeling a bit smothered in your relationship with your partner? Do they throw digs when you aren’t behaving exactly how they want you to? Are you losing yourself as you try your best to please them? According to Dr. Hafeez, “Being judged, criticized and manipulated by the person who claims they love you can be incredibly difficult on one’s self-esteem. When you feel controlled and always judged you begin to walk on eggshells.’ This leads to anxiety or even depression. Be sure to have your own hobbies, interests and friends. Don’t allow anyone to make you responsible for their happiness that’s their job.”
About Dr. Sanam Hafeez:
Dr. Sanam Hafeez PsyD is an NYC based licensed neuropsychologist. She is a teaching faculty member at the prestigious Columbia University Teacher’s College and the founder and clinical director of the Comprehend the Mind Institutes in Manhattan and Queens. She was a long time child school psychologist. She specializes in providing neuropsychological, educational and developmental evaluations to both adults and children in her practice. She works with individuals who suffer from post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), learning disabilities, autism, attention and memory problems, trauma and brain injury, abuse, childhood development and psychopathology (bipolar, schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, etc…) In addition, Dr. Hafeez serves as a medical expert for various news outlets and programs, and as an expert witness providing full evaluations and witness testimony to law firms and courts. Connect with her via twitter @comprehendMind or at Comprehendthemind.com.
From remnants to ready-to-wear, we catch up with the beauties behind zero-waste label, LIVARI.
Since bringing live streaming to the runway, actually attending fashion week has become "so last season." Has Nicopanda solved fashion week's problems?
Melissa's Galeria in SoHo set the scene for its latest debut, a collaboration with the cool kids of BAJA EAST.
Transformation was the name of this collection and indeed, it's a fitting sentiment for lawyer-turned-designer, Nancy Tran, who debuted this season.
San Francisco based footwear brand Birdies, announced a $2 million Series Seed funding round for their in-demand luxury slippers.
Inspired by a voyage through different types of jungles; exotic, psychedelic, and more... newly appointed Artistic Director, Jean-Paul Goude, debuts his first Desigual collection at NYFW.
Find out what's in store this month thanks to astrologer Manish Kumar Arora.
Let Carnival come to you with these banana themed accessories. From Dolce & Gabbana to Sophie Hume everyone's getting in on the act.
Understated elegance never goes out of fashion, neither does a good quality timeless stud earring. Here are five of our favorites that will take you from day to night in style.
Whether knife, accordian, box or kick, the pleated skirt is here to stay.
Downpayment on your holiday home or new sandals? You choose.
Did anyone else wake up feeling somewhat invincible this morning? We've put it down to battling dragons and blazing battlefeilds. Not wanting to let this feeling go, we went on the hunt for five kick-ass rings that bring out our inner ruler.
Featuring an immersive rotating art experience, Melissa Shoes' latest Galeria is the ultimate in destination shopping.
Lily Collins wowed last night at the premiere of Amazon Studio's new series The Last Tycoon wearing jewelry from two designers you're going to love.
Always fancied yourself a filmmaker? Think you have the perfect fashion-film idea? Now you have the chance to show the world as FashionClash—the Netherlands premiere fashion and art festival—announces its first international fashion film festival.
Don't let a little rain get you down. Check out these awesome rainboots that are as practical as they are stylish.
Stuart Weitzman teams up with Gigi Hadid for AW17 campaign.
OMEGA unveils the Seamaster Diver 300M “Commander’s Watch” Limited Edition; a new timepiece celebrating the rank and regalia of the historic 007, James Bond.
Welcome to the The Snow Crystal Forest, a Haute Couture collection from designer Ziad Nakad
Style and comfort don't always go hand-in-hand, thankfully Upstep has created a new service that makes ordering orthotics a walk in the park.
Find out what's in store this month thanks to astrologer Manish Kumar Arora.
New global study by indaHash breaks barriers on the influencer scale.
Welcome to Tramp in Disguise; print-tastic women's wear created and designed by Finnish born, U.K. based designer Sini Moilanen.
We catch up with writer and director Keith Boynton as he dishes on his latest film project Seven Lovers'; a movie you're sure to love where ever you may be in life (or love).
As the demand for athleisure wear grows, the Canarian design team behind Adosmanos Sportswear ups the style stakes.
Launched this Spring, designer duo Longshaw & Ward have pooled their creative talents for a covet-able collection of women's wear and accessories.
Thought-provoking, controversial and awe-inspiring, welcome to the wonderful world of performance artist Marnie Scarlet.
Known for their eclectic designs and fantastical collaborations, Irregular Choice has done it again with their new Mickey Mouse & Friends collection.
We head to the Greek islands to talk design with women's wear creator Nadia Rapti.